It’s sometimes enlightening to take a browse through the consumer extravaganza that is, and to find what real people think of these products. What I only recently learned is that some of the reviewers are brilliant writers as well. Check out this gem from one of my personal favorites, Viktor 57, and follow the link to read more. Pure genius.

Octenol Cartridge (Three Pack)

Octenol attracts mosquitoes just as advertised. Here’s how I know this.

I crushed up the contents of an octenol cartridge and put it inside my best friend Jim’s bottle of cologne. My little prank worked better than I expected; he was covered in mosquito bite welts and came down with West Nile virus, malaria, and Western equine encephalitis as well. I felt awful, especially when the fevers, chills, and encephalitis nearly killed him. When Jim finally got out of the hospital, I told him, out of guilt, what I had done. Jim tried to strangle me, but he was so weak he could barely get his hands around my throat. I didn’t blame him; I would have been just as mad.

Jim doesn’t speak to me anymore. I did hear from his lawyer, though. What was supposed to be a harmless prank has cost me my best friend and has taught me a valuable lesson: I will never use a pathogenic vector attractant in a practical joke on my friends ever again. But if I do, I will never admit it.